Day 2 of many many more

So today started off really well. I was woken up by the sound of my husband's ringtone. (Yes, I have a special ringtone just for him) He was calling me from his mid-point to let me know he was safe. It was AWESOME to hear his voice. If I can't see him, I can at least enjoy talking to him. I got to talk to him several times before he boarded the plane to his end destination. It started my day off right!!! Surprisingly my children were really good today too! My 4 year old listened, and my 15 year old listened and cooked dinner!!! I had asked her to start dinner since I had to go and pick up my neighbor's son from work. When I returned, she had dinner almost completed! I was surprised, and she didn't even give me any attitude.
I also made it to the gym today. I didn't want to go, but knew I needed to. I did Pilates and Abs with two of my friends and it was a good workout. I also get to leave my 4 year old in childcare for 2 hours! So I got at least a little alone time. I hadn't been to the gym in so long, because I had been spending every minute I could with my husband. I am sore, but it will be for the best in the long run.
I won't miss my husband any less, but hopefully all of this will make the time go by faster.

Day One of many.....

So today was the day I had to drop my husband off so that he can head out on his new adventure (my positive code word for deployment.) We were told to be there at a certain time, and we were. An hour later, the transportation still had not arrived. Then someone shows up to say, oh you weren't supposed to be here til this time. Needless to say, I was a little irritated because I could have had more time with the hubby! It finally came time to say goodbye, and it was so hard. I try not to cry too much, because I don't want him feeling bad about the job he has to do. Everything was fine til I got in the car. As we are driving away, my 4 year old starts crying hysterically that she just wants ONE MORE HUG from Daddy. I tell her she can't, he has gotten on the bus now, and we won't see him til he gets back. That did nothing to calm her. She was just distraught and cried all the way home. Once we get home, me and the hubs are texting back and forth as he is waiting to board his plane. Hours go by, and he still has not left. It eventually took 7 hours from the time I dropped him off til the time he boarded his plane. That really pissed me off. That was 7 hours I could have had with him. The entire time, he was just sitting in a hangar with no food, no drink and not allowed to even come out and give his little girl one last hug. 7 HOURS!!!! What the heck were they thinking? I know that as a military spouse, I have to be ready for things to change at a moment's notice and be delayed frequently. But 7 hours? That is like a whole day. We were only 15 minutes from each other, but could not see each other, and I just found that totally frustrating. He finally texted me to tell me he was leaving, and will call me when he reaches his destination. I feel so bad that he had to sit there all day just waiting.
I must say that I am blessed to be friends with other military spouses, who totally understand what I am going through. Two of my good friends, L.C. and T.D. came over tonight to keep me company on this first night alone. It helped so much! I really don't know what I would do without my fellow military spouses! L.C.'s hubby and mine have been on 3 of the last 4 deployments together, so I kind of feel like she is more family than friend. T.D.'s husband does not work with mine, but she has always been there to support me, and I would be lost without her help.
Well tomorrow is another day. I have to remember "Every day they are gone, is one day closer to them coming home." Pray for our troops!

Last few days

The last few days have been the last I will spend with my husband for a while. All our great plans of spending time alone together doing what we wanted...gone out the window! We have kids, they have obligations, we have pets, they create havoc, we have lives, and they got in the way. Granted I did spend every moment of kids, pets and life getting in the way WITH my husband. He was with me for every second and I loved him being there. It just seems that we always make such huge plans for our last few days, and it never works out the way we plan. I want a PAUSE button! Then I could pause time, and spend those extra minutes just hugging him or having him hold my hand. Oh how I wish. I know it's his job, but my life is very different when he is not here. I am very honest and opinionated, and I tend to hurt peoples feelings unintentionally. He is my sounding board. He always help me to see things from other perspectives, and doing that over email, Skype or the phone just isn't the same. I sure am going to miss him.
On a funny note, he and I had picked out a new bedframe. It was perfect, exactly what we wanted and had been looking for. So tonight we go to buy it. He goes to look for a store employee to help us carry the box to the register. While he is gone, I am really checking this bed frame out. Suddenly I realize that it is not adjustable. It is built for a Twin and a Twin only, and we have a Queen! I go hunt him down to tell him! We were so bummed! The perfect bedframe and it isn't even our size! Luckily, we noticed this before we got it home and tried to set it up to fit our bed! LOL It was a funny moment. Memories of moments like that are what keep me going during the months he is away!

Deployments suck!

In a few days, I have to, once again, say goodbye to my soul mate, my best friend, my husband. Whoever said that each time it gets easier, was LYING!!! It gets harder every time. Everytime I want to beg him to stay, get out of the military and just stay home with us. He heads off to another country, that I will never see, and I get to stay here and try to hold life together without him. I get to go to bed alone every night, with no one to talk through my day with. No matter how many people I surround myself with, no matter how many activites I schedule, at the end of the day, I still have to return to this house, that is not a home without my husband. Don't get me wrong, I am IMMENSENSELY PROUD of my husband and his continued sacrifice for his country. I am proud of the job he does every day, and I am proud of the person he is. All these things, however, do not make it any easier to kiss him goodbye, watch him board a plane, and KNOW that it will be months before I see him again. Months before he kisses or hugs me again. Months before I can sit next to him and just share my day with him. I try to be brave and not cry, but it is futile. As the day draws neared, the tears come unbidden. I cannot stop them. For you see, a part of my heart leaves with him everytime. I am not looking forward to saying goodbye, see you later, or ciao for now. But I will do it... for I am a military spouse and it is my job and honor to do what I have to do, so that my military member can do his job.

Higher Standards.... out the window!

So I usually pride myself in living by a bit higher standards than the norm, because I am a military wife. I am counted on to keep it all together, and let my husband do his job unfettered by daily drama. I usually count myself as a pretty good wife, and a decent mother. However, recently that all fell apart! All the times that I have thought that I had a pulse on what was going on in my teen's life (I have a 15 year old teen daughter), I was wrong and it all got blown away in one conversation. The other night, my husband called our daughter down for dinner. Well when she hadn't come down after 30 minutes, he decided to go and check on her. She was asleep! So he wakes her up, and she joins us for dinner. I comment to her that she has been sleeping a lot more lately and acting really tired. She replies that she just has a lot on her plate. Then I ask her if she is pregnant. She freaks out and just says no over and over. So a little bit later, my husband and I are talking and he points out that she didn't say that being pregnant would be impossible because she hasn't had sex, she just denied being pregnant. I realize he has a good point, so I decide to go talk to her. Yep, then my world came crashing down. I go into her room to talk to her, and find out that YES she has had sex with her boyfriend (whom she is no longer dating.) I am just flabbergasted. I have no words at this point. I then find out that she had sex with him in his parents house (which is right next door) when his parents weren't home. So I decide to go talk to his parents. Yeah, that was a bad mistake. One thing about living in military housing, you can't decide what class of people you live next too. The parents were totally nonchalant about it and really couldn't give a crap less. So after I return from the parents house, I decide to have a further more in depth discussion with my teenager. Okay, another bomb drops and I was so not ready for it! Turns out, she had LOTS of sex, not just once or twice or even three times. It was many times, so many she can't count. I totally thought that I had a pulse on what was going on with her. I monitored her internet use, her phone calls, text messages, myspace account. I knew all her friends and their numbers. I knew what kind of music she listened which shows she watched, and I approved her clothing before she wore it. I totally trusted her and gave her freedoms I thought she had earned, but never too much. I always talked to my friends about how to raise a teen the right way, and then, out of nowhere, I TOTALLY GOT SLAPPED IN THE FACE! My daughter could be pregnant as well. Today I had to walk in Walgreens and buy a pregnancy test .... FOR MY 15 YEAR OLD! Something I never thought I would do. I am at a loss for words, truly and fully. I really do not know what to do anymore. So much for thinking I held my family to higher standards!

Totally Distraught and Just plain PISSED!

Well today's thoughts were going to be about Tricare, but as usual with the military, worse news has shown up. Today my husband told me that the chances are high for him to go on the next deployment. Usually I am pretty good about deployments, it being his job and all. But this one just comes at the absolute wrong time. While he is gone, he will miss several huge milestones: our niece's graduation from high school, our daughter's Sweet Sixteen, and our other daughter's 5th birthday. Normally, I would not be so upset, but Sweet Sixteen is a huge deal, and we have already rented the venue and paid for everything! When he told his supervisor about it, his supervisor's response was "Yeah, I missed my kids birthdays before too!" But this is SWEET SIXTEEN!!!! You only get one of those. It is a big deal! We wanted to move here to the East Coast, we asked to come here. However, he has been gone more since we have been here than any other time in his military career. We have been here just over 18 months and in that time he has been gone 10 of those months. I know in the grand scheme of things, I am in the same boat as many other military spouses. I understand that! But that does not make it easier to handle. It SUCKS!!!! I don't want him to leave! I don't want to do all these important things without him. I want him here..... I don't know what I am going to do with myself! Sure, I have lots of great friends here, and a great support system, but in the end, those do not take the place of the person that knows me best. He is my best friend, my soul mate, the other half that makes us a whole. I am just a shell without him. I know that it is his job, and I refuse to make him feel bad about it, but inside I want to scream. I am tired of doing all the important things on my own. I am tired of having to explain to my children that no, Daddy will not be here for their important days, events etc. It is so hard! It is made even harder by the fact that they told him he wasn't going, then we make all these big plans and they CHANGE THEIR MINDS!!!! I don't understand why he has to go on EVERY SINGLE DEPLOYMENT! Where are the other military members???? Why can't they go this time? I know people whose spouses have NEVER deployed and I just don't think that is fair. If one has to go, all should have to take a turn. I am sure that I will be fine in the long run, and I will get through it all, but right now it just sucks, sucks, sucks!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell...my thoughts therein

This has been on my mind for sometime, and my feelings about it are very strong, so if you are easily offended, you should stop reading now. I was a big Obama supporter. I campaigned for him, wore my T-shirts, buttons, bracelets, etc and even took my kids with me to vote for him. I cried buckets when he won. I was sure he was going to be the greatest President ever, until he came up with the idea to abolish the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in the military. For those of you that don't know... "don't ask, don't tell" basically means don't tell us you're gay and we won't ask, and nothing will come of it. Good policy in my mind. Recently President Obama has come up with the idea to abolish that policy. NOT A GOOD PLAN! First off, prejudice is going to come about. In my mind, military and gay do not go together. Second off, men and women who are in the field in war times, cannot be worrying about what their military counterpart who might be gay is thinking. They have to keep their minds on their jobs and soley on their jobs, or they could die!!! Not knowing is better than knowing. If I am down in a foxhole, and my partner is a lesbian, but I don't know that, and she hasn't told, then I won't be distracted thinking about it. But if she is out in the open, I might very well worry about her checking out my butt, and then I might end up getting myself killed. I am in NO WAY saying that gays and lesbians should not serve in the military. I am sure that there are many fine homosexual people out there that do a wonderful job serving our country. All I am saying is that they should keep it to themselves. It does not need to be paraded around, spoken of on the job, and made a big issue. If we get rid of the don't ask, don't tell policy, I think that it will create more problems, rather than fix things. I am sorry if this upsets anyone, but that's what blogs are for. Speaking your mind... FREELY! My husband is in the military, and personally I would not want a gay male in the foxhole with him. I think he would be uncomfortable, distracted and possibly at risk of making a fatal error. Everytime his hypothetical gay foxhole sharer looked at him, he would be thinking "Is this guy looking at my butt?" Pats on the back would be interpreted in a whole new way!
Anywho, just my thoughts, its been on my mind for a while, so I thought I would get it out there and out of mind. Thoughts on TRICARE coming next! LOL