Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Totally Distraught and Just plain PISSED!
Well today's thoughts were going to be about Tricare, but as usual with the military, worse news has shown up. Today my husband told me that the chances are high for him to go on the next deployment. Usually I am pretty good about deployments, it being his job and all. But this one just comes at the absolute wrong time. While he is gone, he will miss several huge milestones: our niece's graduation from high school, our daughter's Sweet Sixteen, and our other daughter's 5th birthday. Normally, I would not be so upset, but Sweet Sixteen is a huge deal, and we have already rented the venue and paid for everything! When he told his supervisor about it, his supervisor's response was "Yeah, I missed my kids birthdays before too!" But this is SWEET SIXTEEN!!!! You only get one of those. It is a big deal! We wanted to move here to the East Coast, we asked to come here. However, he has been gone more since we have been here than any other time in his military career. We have been here just over 18 months and in that time he has been gone 10 of those months. I know in the grand scheme of things, I am in the same boat as many other military spouses. I understand that! But that does not make it easier to handle. It SUCKS!!!! I don't want him to leave! I don't want to do all these important things without him. I want him here..... I don't know what I am going to do with myself! Sure, I have lots of great friends here, and a great support system, but in the end, those do not take the place of the person that knows me best. He is my best friend, my soul mate, the other half that makes us a whole. I am just a shell without him. I know that it is his job, and I refuse to make him feel bad about it, but inside I want to scream. I am tired of doing all the important things on my own. I am tired of having to explain to my children that no, Daddy will not be here for their important days, events etc. It is so hard! It is made even harder by the fact that they told him he wasn't going, then we make all these big plans and they CHANGE THEIR MINDS!!!! I don't understand why he has to go on EVERY SINGLE DEPLOYMENT! Where are the other military members???? Why can't they go this time? I know people whose spouses have NEVER deployed and I just don't think that is fair. If one has to go, all should have to take a turn. I am sure that I will be fine in the long run, and I will get through it all, but right now it just sucks, sucks, sucks!