Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The clouds are gathering.....

So my husband has an assignment to go to Korea for a year. For months it has been up in the air due to medical issues. They would say he wasn't going, then they would say he would. He even had to get an extension on his RNLT date so that he could finish his medical clearance. Well we got news today that everything has been finalized and he is totally cleared to go! Total hard hit to the heart for me! I guess somewhere deep down, I was hoping it would get cancelled. I get that my husband has to do this, its his job. I get that tons of military spouses go thru this every year...but, he is my best friend! My husband is EVERYTHING to me. He is the one I talk to, lean on, etc. I do have friends, but I depend on the hubs for everything. I can't talk to anyone else the way I talk to him. I am trying to hold it together and not be an emotional mess for his last few weeks, but on the other hand, I just want to fall apart! Life is going to be so different without him. And its a whole year.... :( I only have 1 friend here that I feel I could depend on for everything. That's not a lot. And she could leave at any time. Then what am I gonna do? I know it sounds like I am having a pity party, which I guess I am, but I just cannot be strong all the time. Sometimes you just gotta let it all go and be sad. I just cannot imagine life for a year without my best friend!
I also have to move to a new house by myself. We are being force moved and originally they said they would move us before he left, but now they are saying no. It's just a lot to take in for me! So much to do and be responsible for, and noone to lean on while I go through it all! It just sucks! Well that's my rant for the day. Through it all, I am still proud of my man and still proud to be a military wife!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Pre PCS pms'ing

I don't know if other husbands act like this, but I think my hubs might be having a pre-deployment/pcs pms kind of time. He was supposed to leave this coming Saturday to go to Korea for a year. Well the AF messed up his medical clearance and he had no orders, so he applied for a one month extension. He now leaves in a month. Ever since that extension got approved, he has been acting differently. He snaps at the slightest thing, he jumps down my throat, he is being harder on our children, and he is so damn defensive. He asks my opinion, then gets pissed off when I share it! Then if I go the other route and say I have no opinion or nothing to say, he gets pissed then too. Do other husbands act like this right before they leave? Anyone else notice it? Tonight, when he came to kiss me goodnight and say I love you, when I responsed with "I love you too" he came back with "Yeah sure you do!" Now I am pissed over that. I didn't even do anything. All I said before that was that I did not want to have yet another argument over our teenager and what she has done or hasn't done today. And I get "Yeah sure you do!" when I say I love you too. The worst thing is that tomorrow morning he will wake up and act like it never happened. But I can't do that. When my feelings get hurt, I need an apology at least. I did try and ask him if he was stressed about the upcoming move to Korea (for him) and if that was maybe affecting his mood, and all I got in return was "Why are you on me so much lately? Why I am to blame for everything?" So I gave up asking. I don't know...if this is how the whole month is going to go, then it can't go by fast enough! If your hubs acts like this too before leaving, please share. At least that way I know I am not alone.