Friday, March 26, 2010

Higher Standards.... out the window!

So I usually pride myself in living by a bit higher standards than the norm, because I am a military wife. I am counted on to keep it all together, and let my husband do his job unfettered by daily drama. I usually count myself as a pretty good wife, and a decent mother. However, recently that all fell apart! All the times that I have thought that I had a pulse on what was going on in my teen's life (I have a 15 year old teen daughter), I was wrong and it all got blown away in one conversation. The other night, my husband called our daughter down for dinner. Well when she hadn't come down after 30 minutes, he decided to go and check on her. She was asleep! So he wakes her up, and she joins us for dinner. I comment to her that she has been sleeping a lot more lately and acting really tired. She replies that she just has a lot on her plate. Then I ask her if she is pregnant. She freaks out and just says no over and over. So a little bit later, my husband and I are talking and he points out that she didn't say that being pregnant would be impossible because she hasn't had sex, she just denied being pregnant. I realize he has a good point, so I decide to go talk to her. Yep, then my world came crashing down. I go into her room to talk to her, and find out that YES she has had sex with her boyfriend (whom she is no longer dating.) I am just flabbergasted. I have no words at this point. I then find out that she had sex with him in his parents house (which is right next door) when his parents weren't home. So I decide to go talk to his parents. Yeah, that was a bad mistake. One thing about living in military housing, you can't decide what class of people you live next too. The parents were totally nonchalant about it and really couldn't give a crap less. So after I return from the parents house, I decide to have a further more in depth discussion with my teenager. Okay, another bomb drops and I was so not ready for it! Turns out, she had LOTS of sex, not just once or twice or even three times. It was many times, so many she can't count. I totally thought that I had a pulse on what was going on with her. I monitored her internet use, her phone calls, text messages, myspace account. I knew all her friends and their numbers. I knew what kind of music she listened which shows she watched, and I approved her clothing before she wore it. I totally trusted her and gave her freedoms I thought she had earned, but never too much. I always talked to my friends about how to raise a teen the right way, and then, out of nowhere, I TOTALLY GOT SLAPPED IN THE FACE! My daughter could be pregnant as well. Today I had to walk in Walgreens and buy a pregnancy test .... FOR MY 15 YEAR OLD! Something I never thought I would do. I am at a loss for words, truly and fully. I really do not know what to do anymore. So much for thinking I held my family to higher standards!


tamara davis said...

Wow! I would not have thought. You're a good mother never question that, there are just some things that we can't control. Don't doubt yourself.

L.C. said...

What a challenging thing that must have been! I am so sorry! I know it must be hard, it was hard for my mom when she found out when I was 17 that I first had sex at 16, looking back now I would have waited, but I grew up in a society where it was more socially acceptable to have sex at such an early age. It's the changing of times and I know it must be hard to understand, but maybe the more important conversation to have is that if she feels she is adult enough for that responsibility then she needs to make sure she is being safe, all the time. And if you want to maybe scare her out of not being pregnant at her age, schedule an appointment with resource mothers in your area they help teenage moms find jobs and stuff and those ladies could definitely give you some insight on how awful it is to be pregnant at 15 or 16.