Wednesday, April 27, 2011

3 more months and my life falls apart.....

So in a little over 3 more months, my husband is going to leave on a remote tour for a year. In and of itself, this is not that big of a deal. My husband deploys so much at this base, that it has become the new "normal" for him not to be home. So one more tour away is not going to kill me. What is going to kill me is the fact that HE is my BEST FRIEND. He is the only person I talk to about things, the only one that is always there for me, and the one that I know I can always depend on. This is not to say that I don't have "friends". I do, but not the kind of friends everyone else has. At least not at this base. I am not the girl people call to hang out with, go out with, have a movie night with, get pampered with etc. I am the girl you call when you need a favor. I am the girl you call when you need something done quickly and efficiently. I am the girl you call for a favor. I am the girl who never says no. I am the girl you make plans with, but then don't show up for, because you just forgot. I am not important enough to be remembered unless you are in desperate need of something. I have made friends at this base, that is true. But a lot of the time, it is a one sided friendship. I am there for them, to help, listen, offer assistance, do favors; then when it is my turn to need something or someone, the world is empty. Everyone is busy, or forgot, or just can't. I know that I am strong, I have survived many many years of deployments without my husband. But somehow, imagining a WHOLE YEAR with no one to talk to, laugh with, have fun with etc, is just so heart-breaking. I have never been good at making friends. I am brutually honest and way too sarcastic for most people. But my husband gets me, he understands me and loves me for who I am. Life will not be the same without him, and I will truly be all alone. The short list of women that I know I could count on in a pinch are both PCSing this summer, right before my husband leaves. I just don't know what I am going to do. I am not asking for pity... I just had to get all this off my chest before I totally lost it. I don't know why people don't want to hang with me and do all the girlfriendy stuff. I think I am a pretty decent person and I have a lot to offer a friendship. If only people would take the time to get to know the REAL me. It is going to be a very lonely, long year. I guess that I will have to depend on Skype a LOT and emails and phone calls! Hopefully the years goes by fast!