Sunday, September 18, 2011
A new Sunday...going to church
So today I decided to try out a new church. I am not a regular church goer, never have been. But this particular church has a marquee outside! I see it every day, and they always have the happiest thoughts posted. It always makes me smile, so I thought I would visit and see what it was like. I like upbeat churches too. I want my music to be uplifting, hand-clapping, tapping your toes kind of music. This church offers that. I got there, signed my daughter in to children's church and went to the main area. People were friendly, but not overly so. Maybe they just need to warm up a bit? Anyway, we sang some great songs and then the pastor started to speak. From the very first moment he opened his mouth, he seemed to speaking straight to me. He talked about people who say they are Christians, but don't REALLY have a true relationship with God. He talked about people who try to be good, but then end up throwing "snot" (his analogy not mine lol) on others. This is me!!! I have always wanted that glowing, faithful, uplifting relationship with God, but I have never had it. I have never taken that last leap and given myself over completely to the relationship. I DO believe in God, but do I depend on him all the time? No! I do pray, but usually only when I am stressed or in trouble. I want more than that in my life. So I sat there and cried. Not sobbing, but gentle tears on my face. I really felt like I was being spoken to. Part of me wanted to jump up and scream "Me! Me! You are talking about me!" But I just wasn't brave enough. It is a journey that I need to continue on I guess. I guess I also hoped that someone would have noticed I was crying and asked why. The pastor also talked about being seperated from your spouse for a lengthy period of time, which, of course, for me, brought more tears, as my hubs has just left for a year. All in all, it was an enlightening hour and gave me much to think about. I want a better relationship with God, I want that JOY! I just don't know if I will be able to find it!